Who is my friend?

Poem, written on 6th March 2012

Who is my friend
The one I call my friend
That person who takes me as I am
That person who is tender, kind and gentle
That person who rebukes me when I'm wrong
That person who can see who I am in the inside and not love me for my outward disposition.
That person who looks into my eyes and says "I see someone great inside"
That person who brings out the best in me
I will always call my friend


They say love is beautiful
They say love bears all things
They say love is kind
All these My friend fulfill
Because I fulfill them
Our love waxes stronger
We are so compatible


Whenever they see my tear, they dry it up
Whenever I fall, they help me stand
Whenever I rejoice, they rejoice
Whenever I weep, they weep
Whenever I encounter the difficult part of life, they are always there to assist me.
They give all their time and to them I pledge to give all I have
You have been a friend in need
Whenever I see, I smile and say to myself " I will always love you and you will always be in my heart".


-- By Ogbonna Chidiebube Samuel

What you should know about death

*some facts are based on the book, "The Romeo Error"

Did you know that each day some of us die so that the rest of us might live?

Ok, don't think everything on earth is as mortal as you are; bacteria is virtually immortal. No wonder they thrive in every habitat , even inside Beyonce's body. Binary fission makes their immortality possible.

The traditional definition of a life cycle is "a progressive series of changes undergone by an organism from fertilization to death".

After death, rigor motis starts from the intestine and ends in the heart. Note that it doesn't start immediately after clinical death.

During clinical death, specialized organs like the brain die first.

Did you know that according to the research conducted by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in 1974, people with terminal illness express five distinct behavior in reaction to their inevitable death:

The very first reaction to the news of a terminal illness is usually "No, not me, it cannot be true". They accuse the doctor of being incompetent. However, some might act as if they were never told.

As soon as the patient admits that it must be true, denial is followed by anger and frustration. They also envy other.

The person asks "why me, when I still have so much to do? Or this stage in some cases may be replaced by bargaining in which patients make promises to themselves or others in return for extra time. Some at this stage, believe in God's miracles, and make huge promises to Him to gain His grace.

Then when the full implication of the illness are realized, comes a time of fear and depression.

The final stage comes when terminal patients have had enough time or been given enough of the right kind of help, to conquer their fears and accept the inevitability of dying, they often experience feelings of peace and contentment.


Terrifying isn't it? Now let's see how different tribes treat their dead.

WAYS OF DEALING WITH THE DEAD BY DIFFERENT TRIBES.

The Ashanti tribe of west Africa bury their dead below the ground surface lying on the left side with hands beneath the head in special burial grounds

The Ibos wrapp their dead in bamboo mats and bury them under the ground.

The Aboriginal Tiwi of north Australia bury their dead above the ground covered with huge mmounds of soil stamped into place by funeral dance.

The Jews bury in family tombs usually carved out of rocks.

The Bevenda in South Africa shut up their dead in their own houses and leave. But some build special death houses.

The Angolan Orimbundu tribe pute their dead in caves.

The santee sioux sew their dead in deer or buffalo skin an leave them in the top of tall trees.

Tibet practise air burial which involves cutting up the body, separating the flesh, grinding the bones into small pieces, mixing all with barley and feeding this to the birds specially summoned too the feast by horn.

Some people prefer to eat their dead themselves, they believe it is good to rest in tthe stomach of a friend than in the cold ground.

New south Wales roast their dead.

The Vikings either bury of burn their dead in their longships, along with their everyday possessions. They believe that these possessions are going to be needed in their afterlife.

Like the Vikings, the Egyptians bury their dead in tombs filled with things they might need in their next life.

The Bali burn their dead entirely.

So, throughout all these various ways of dealing with the dead, runs a central theme. Implicit in every funeral practice, there is an assumption that death marks a kind of transition and not the end.

We should know that death is inside each and everyone of us. The excessive concern with accidental death seems to mask an insufficient concern with natural death. Nelson and Nelson (1973) wrote that highly religious individuals experience the least fear of death. Nonreligious individuals experience moderate levels of anxiety about death, whereas religious people who do not consistently practice their faith experience the greatest fear of dying.
Rich people are generally anxious about death, unlike poor and old people who in most times think about death. Where I live for instance,the rich go a long way in fortifying, with the hope of enjoying their wealth to the fullest. Whereas, the poor take hold of whatever life brings. Old people in my hometown invariably talk about death, planning and contemplating it. There has been issues of dead people coming back to life either hours, days or even weeks after being clinically pronounced dead. I haven't seen though, but I have read books containing such stories. For instance, Lyall Watson in his book told about a man named John Macintyre who in 1824 was certified dead and properly buried. But entrepreneurs who stole dead bodies dug it up and sold it to a surgeon company. He woke up in the dissecting table at a London medical school as the instructor's knife pierced through his chest. Another one like it happened in 1964 when the post-mortem operation at a New York mortuary was disrupted just as the first cut was being made, when the patient leaped up and siezed the surgeon by the throat. This doctor paid for the error with his life--- he died of shock.

What happen when one dies? My father, in one of his numerous stories told me about something most people might presume to be untrue, and could sound unbelievable to some religious individuals. He told me a story of how the oldest person in a village communicates with spirits. The aged man spend most of his time indoors discussing with the spirits such that anyone (the wife inclusive) who approaches the room is expected to make some noise to allow the spirits to varnish before entering. Some people don't actually believe in ghosts or spirits of the dead. Some believe that what most people assume to be spirits are actually demons. In some cultures, troubled spirits are often believed to roam around and are often prevented by witchcraft. Some religions especially the Christian religion believe that the dead go to their creator where they are judged; the good enter into eternal rest, while the bad are condemned into eternal damnation! Some traditions pray to their ancestors, believing that they are gods, and can protect them. This calls for unending sacrifices.

In summary, science cannot actually explain why we die. The issue of death has caught the attention of people of all ages especially the elderly. Humans want to be immortal and live forever. Some Biologists believe that it is as a result of the death and weakness of the numerous body cells, which some belive it is genetic. New body cells are produced by the specialized organs and are supposed to replace the dead ones, so, we start aging when there is a short fall in production. After this, death follow closely which justifies the words of L. Watson that "death is in every one of us". Death is apparently not the end of any human. So, I advice, take care of your self and live your life in the best way possible.

GET RID OF THE PREGNANCY OR...

"Dave you can't leave me like this, we are in this together," I pleaded.

"Yes we are in it together but since you've decided to stick to your gun, you might as well be on your own. I've told you, I am not ready for a family," he replied in anger.

"So, what do you suggest?" I asked pleadingly.

"The obvious thing of course; abortion. After all it won't be your first time," he said contemptuously as if getting pregnant was my entire fault.

"Over my dead body! The last time I did it, I almost bled to death and you promised it wouldn't happen again. Now you are suggesting it. I'll rather sell my body to take care of the baby than abort it," I said flatly and finally.

"Have it your way. Mind you, I don’t want to have anything to do with either you or the baby when it is born," he countered threateningly.

"If that is the way you want it, God will judge you and me," I said.

"i still love you but since you want to have the baby, then its goodbye," he replied.

From the stillness of his voice, I knew he had already made up his mind on the issue. I went into the bedroom to pack my few belongings and left.

On my way out, I reminisced on how I came to be in this sorry pass. If only I had listened to my cousin, I would not be carrying Dave's baby.
I met Dave at a birthday bash thrown by a friend of one of my cousins, Nicky. Since Nicky couldn’t attend, I had to go alone. Dave was the best-dressed guy at the party and he danced well.
I instantly fell in love with him and tried to catch his attention but ladies swarm around him like bees. When I was almost giving up, Dave came to sit beside me looking exhausted.

"Why not relax. Must you dance with every girl here?" I asked him.

"You must have guts to tell me what to do. Well then, can I dance with you because it's like you are the only girl I've not danced with," he said.

That was how we became friends and I was dying to show off Dave to Nicky who travelled some weeks by to see her parents. When she returned eventually and got to meet Dave, she was devastated that I could fall in love with Dave who she described as a ruthless Casanova.

It was a spectacle how it happened. She must have had a premonition because I practically pleaded with Nicky to stay at home to meet Dave, as he would be visiting that day. When he came, I informed Nicky while I went to the kitchen to get him something to drink.

I ran out when I heard Nicky scream. "Get the hell out of my house before I lose my temper and I don’t ever want to set my eyes on you again."

Without a backward glance, Dave left. I turned to Nicky with a murderous look. Instead of talking, she started crying so I left her and made to go after Dave when she called me back.

"He is not worth it. First, his name is not Dave but Thomas and he has no job. He lives on people. The worst is that he knows nothing about love. If you get pregnant for him, then you will see his true colour," Nicky warned me.

When I asked how she came to know Dave, Nicky revealed that she had gone out with him before. She spent all she had on him especially when he promised to marry her. He however changed when she became pregnant and would not abort it.

I did not heed Nicky's warning and it caused problem between us for some days. Dave promised not to make love to me until after our wedding and I loved him the more for that. He told me he was out of job but would soon get one.

I was working with a textile company so I was able to take care of him. Some seven months later, I felt there was nothing wrong with making love with me since he would still marry me. So I initiated the move and I was not disappointed.
When the first pregnancy occurred, Dave convinced me o abort it. He had no job and would not want me to suffer bringing up a child all on my own. The second pregnancy happened and I was looking forward to having it but Dave thought otherwise.

"Although I now have a job, I think it will be better to plan before dabbling into having children. I promise you, this will be the last time. In fact next month, I will start making arrangement to see your people for the wedding," Dave promised

I aborted it but nearly bled to death. I was admitted into the hospital for two weeks. Nicky stood by me while Dave settled the hospital bills. I heard Nicky warning Dave to keep off me.

"Thomas, nothing should happen to her or else you will regret ever knowing me," she warned.
I was, therefore, mortally shocked and stupefied when Dave virtually sent me out of his house and life for refusing aborting a third time.
I went to Nicky who gave me the I-told-you-so look but she welcomed me. She became like a mother to me and nursed me through the pregnancy. I heard from friends that Dave had started seeing another girl.
I gave birth to a set of twins; two boys. They look so much like Dave and I was very happy because in less than three months, a multinational company offered me a job.

I was able to push Dave to the back of my mind and was already dating another guy, Banji, who was like a brother and father to me. He told me how his fiancé of five years jilted him for his best friend. This he explained had made it difficult for him to trust women.

He liked me but was afraid to fall in love with anyone. It was okay with me after all I went through with Dave; I was not ready to trust any man. Within two years, we became very intimate. Love was in our eyes for each other, but there was no commitment.

On Saturday, three months ago, I was bathing the twins when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and was surprised to see someone who looked like Dave.

"Hello Bim. Please can I come in?" he asked.

"Dave!" I said in a whisper to be sure that he was the one.

I could not believe my eyes. What could he possibly want in my house? I quickly took the twins in before inviting him in, but he had already seen them.

"Are those my babies?" he asked

"Children you disowned even before they were born?
Sorry you have no kids here", I replied.

Dave came to beg me to come back to him, that I was already engaged to someone else. I was surprised when he said he knew about Banji but came all the same to find out whether he could convince me.
He couldn’t convince me, not after the trauma he put me through. He wished me good luck and left. I am still waiting for Banji to propose to me. If he does not in the next months, I would have to sever my relationship with him

LOVE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT TO BE

Some people know what to do, their likes and dislikes but do not know what they want. This is the anatomy of confusion and misery. When you deny your true feelings, you are denying yourself. That is why some talk one way, feel another way and still act another way.

If you hide your feelings too much, eventually you will begin to believe in your pretence.

To you, love means romance, ardent and passionate attraction. It means moonlight and roses. Your partner is your everything and love means the happy ending that has no ending.

To you, love does not mean buying a home and furnishing it together. It does not mean believing in your partner's dream. It does not mean sharing in the adventures, drudgery, excitement and heartaches of raising children together. It does not mean waiting on the fact that things will work out and sharing the other fellow's hopes, failures and plans. It is not sex.


Instead of finding a verbal definition of love that applies to all, substitute it to find what love means to you.

Nearly everyone wants to be loved and cared for, respected and appreciated. Nearly everyone wants to feel especially competent and efficient at something worthwhile. Nearly everyone wants to be understood and wants someone to know how he thinks and feel about things.

Very few people want to do these things to others.

Love is like a chair you want to sit on, the shape of which determines your posture. Your postuer determines how you want to re-adjust to fit in and be comfortable. Your chair is your love and don’t try and compare it with another fellow's chair.
Love means different things at different places, circumstances and situations. So love is what you make it to be.

ANGER,TOOL FOR GROWTH IN RELATIONSHIPS + ULTIMATE RULES FOR A GREAT RELATIONSHIP.

ANGER,TOOL FOR GROWTH IN RELATIONSHIPS

There are many things we tend to hold back to. We repress much of our emotions, wether good or bad. Everyone gets angry. Some people express their emotions openly while others don’t. If you are one of those who claim you don’t get angry- you are either in touch with your emotions or you are a pretender. In any relationship, anger can be either healthy or unhealthy. Anger is just an emotion. How you process it is what determines whether it becomes a tool for growth or a source of pain and destruction.

Obviously, in our society, anger is perceived as a negative emotion. If you usually express anger, society would describe you as a harsh, unfriendly and one who cannot control his emotions and himself. Yet, holding back anger affects negatively the person who is holding back. Most of us suppress anger and deny it exists until it rears its head. Whatever we hold back becomes a part of us and gets stored in our body as a tangible manifestation in the form of headache, tension, pain, ulcer, and many other physical ailments. In our relationship, we have found that its always best to deal with any anger that comes up right away! All emotional feelings are signals that there is something in your life that needs to be dealt with, and anger is one of those emotions. Little do we know that the other person may need to hear what we have to say just as much as we need to express it. When anger comes up, it is a sign that something in your life is out of balance and incongruent with how you believe your world should be.
When anger comes up in our relationship, we should try to get to the root of the problem and find out what is really going on. What I have found helpful is to open up a dialogue and just allow the person who is angry to express how and why.

Of course, we need to learn how to express out anger or discontent without 'dumping' on the other. We can express ourselves without destroying the other person's sense of self-worth or attacking them emotionally, verbally, or physically. We should learn to take responsibility for your anger and not project it onto someone else. Use "I" statements to be specific, such as "I am really upset about what you said" instead of "You are rude".

The partner's job is to listen in a detached, non-judgemental way. It is true that this might sound like a lot of work, but with trust and practice, it rewards with a relationship free of resentments.


Reacting quickly and honestly to angry emotions by passes the tendency of periodic explosions and tends to "clear the air". When you defuse anger, you will be able to bring back the connections and love that you have lost in that moment. We can choose to let go of the fear of being wrong, or appearing ridiculous, etc., an act on our feelings. Be true to yourself. Holding back is only postponing the truth and can harm the other as well as ourselves. Holding back is postponing the freedom to be who we really are. A foundation of safety and trust in the relationship must be present to enable us express or listen to anger with love instead of fear. When you express or listen to anger from love instead of fear, the relationship would experience growth and consequently deepens.

10 ULTIMATE RULES FOR A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

Be fair

Be honest

Maintain a strong sense of self and know who you are
Know and nourish your own boundaries. Once you lose your boundaries in any relationship, it is only a matter of time before in dies.

Relationships shouldn’t be an all work affair therefore have fun

It is highly essential to LISTEN AND COMMUNICATE. The same words actually means different things to different people.

Be forgiving. You should bear in mind that everyone makes mistakes. Be ready at all times to forgive.

Nourish the love. Love grows and therefore must be nourished. Nurture love with affection

Cultivate activities done together and separately. Relationships need common grounds but they also need spaces. Don’t share absolutely everything

Last but not the least, if you must throw something, make sure iys soft because its probably coming back!
-Sunday Times

JESUS AT GETHSEMANE: A lesson for us

You may ask, why did Jesus go to Gethsemane? The simplest answer to this question is that Jesus went there to seek the fellowship and encouragement of His Father before He went to the cross. What He experienced in Gethsemane was far from simple, however, it reaches beyond the understanding of all who read about it.
The accounts are given of Jesus’ agony in Gethsemane(Matt. 26:36-46; Mark14:32-42; Luke 22:39-46). The biblical description of His demeanor are extraordinary. We read that He was “sorrowful and very heavy” and that He said, ”My soul is exceeding sorrowful even unto death” (Matt 26:37-38). He also was “sore amazed” (Mark 14:33). He was “in an agony,” and sweat “great drops of blood falling down to the ground” (Luke 22:44).
Why would the Son of God, so composed and self-possessed in the upper room, suddenly yield to agitation and despair? Why would He so determinedly cling to the fellowship and support of untrustworthy disciples in this hour? Perhaps the following reasons will help shed light on the depth of Jesus’ agony.

Jesus was distressed, first, because of the prospect of physical death. If sinful humans dread death, how much more would the sinless Son of God dread it, to whom it was utterly foreign?

Perhaps some have faced death more calmly than Jesus did. The “cup” (Luke 22:42) from which Jesus recoiled contained more than death, though. It included, second, the prospect of separation from God. He could still say “Abba Father” (Mark 14:36), for He was on intimate terms with Him. Soon, however, He would bear the sins of man (cf. Isa 53:6; 11 Cor. 5:21), and the horror of the resulting separation from the Father was beyond comprehension (cf. Mark 15:34)
A third reason for Jesus’ distress was the mysterious relationship between His divine and human natures. In His deity, He knew the crucifixion was necessary, and He had focused His energies on providing redemption for man. In His humanity, however, He longed to escape this hideous ordeal. It was in His humanity that He “learned…obedience by the things which He suffered” (Heb. 5:8).

Fourth, Jesus’ agony was explained by the fact that He was locked in a battle with the powers of darkness. He had prophesied that the prince of this world would come (John 14:30). When He later was taken prisoner, He declared to His captors, “This is your hour, and the power of darkness” (Luke 22:53)

Jesus was aware of this struggle when he entered the garden. That was why he warned His disciples against falling into temptation. (Luke 22:40, 46). THIS WAS THE GREATEST TEMPTATION HE EVER FACED. Satan was trying to keep Him from submitting to death and fully accomplishing His Father’s will. So great was the pressure that an angel was sent to strengthen Him (vs. 43).
Jesus finally overcame temptation by submitting himself to His Father’s will and claiming His strength (cf. Mark14:36). He emerged victorious and resolute, and He never looked back. The issue had been settled, and Satan’s attack had been thwarted.


The disciples were not that successful. Leaving 8 of them at the entrance to the garden, Jesus had taken Peter, James, and John with Him and urged them to “tarry… and watch” (Mark 14:34). Soon they fell asleep. When Jesus returen, He mildly rebuked SWimon Peter and exhorted all three of them (vs 37-38). The exhortation turned out to be ineffective, for they fell asleep again. Eventually, they forsook Him in His time of need.
While the command to watch and pray was thus given to Peter, James, and John, it carries a warning for all of us. The prince of darkness is still active. Unless we claim God’s strength in prayer, we will surely fall into temptation.

Also see: SOMETHING JESUS DIDN'T KNOW, an article on this blog

Schools to open next week

ASUU STRIKE: Nigeria Universities To Open Next Week With Or Without ASUU

In a last ditch effort to resolve the ASUU strike, President Goodluck Jonathan will on Monday, November 4, meet with the leadership of ASUU at the Presidential Villa.





This was part of the resolutions of the meeting between the ASUU leadership, Vice President Namadi Sambo and the Supervising Minister of Education on Tuesday as was first reported by this medium.

An official of the Vice President’s office who pleaded anonymity said that all hands are now on deck to ensure that the universities resume next week.

The official stated that the Vice President and the Supervising Minister of Education have made head-way in resolving the strike, but the final involvement of the President is to show ASUU that there is the commitment of the Federal Government at the highest level.

It was learnt that the President has been fully briefed on steps taken by Vice President Namadi Sambo and the Supervising Minister of Education to get to this point and he will at next Monday’s meeting present to the ASUU leadership the administration’s last concession for them to call off the prolonged strike.



A source at the Presidential Villa noted that if ASUU fails to call off, the Federal Government will then resort to plan B, which will be to compulsorily open the universities, using the instrumentality of the governing councils and the school managements.

Already, most of the governing councils of the universities have started meeting to work out modalities for the compulsory re-opening of the universities should ASUU fail to honour the personal request of President Jonathan.

According to report, the Supervising Minister of Education, Barr. Nyesom Wike and the Vice Chancellors of Public Universities also discussed the re-opening of the schools last Monday. Most of the Vice Chancellors suggested the compulsory re-opening of the schools, should the last ditch efforts fail.

It was gathered that security report available to the Presidency may have necessitated this line of action to salvage the universities system from the direction it is facing at present.

Some Fact About Guys

1. Guys are more emotional then they
think,
if they loved them truly.

2. Guys may be flirting around all day
but
before they go to sleep, they always
think
about the girl they truly care about.
3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
4. A guy who likes you wants to be
the only
guy you talk to.
...

5. Guys are more emotional than
they'd
like people to think.

6. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

7. If a guy tells you about his
problems, he
just needs someone to listen to him.
You
don't need to give advice.

8. When a guy asks you to leave him
alone,
he's just actually saying, "Please come
and
listen to me."

9. No guy can handle all his problems
on his
own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

10. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and
health just to be with you, he really
likes you
and wants to be with you as much as
possible